Show newer
*contemplates the lyrics of Get Lucky by Daft Punk*

i've never been up all night to get lucky. perhaps this explains a thing or two...

possibly my first ever 10-chain pulled off in a ranked match online

Apparently if you deal drugs, that profit must be in your tax income

Two months ago. My parents were setting up a new TV.

Mom: "Can you choose a nature documentary on the TV app, so we can use it when calibrating the colours?"
Me: "Sure thing. (Turns on the video.)
Mom: "What the fuck is this?"
Me: (Disappointed in her sense of humour.)

If you live in , and some online weirdo asks you if you can recommend them some Norwegian underground black bands, just answer Terje Tysland.

Works every time.

The vast majority of all you Mastodon users may be good at digital ... but have you considered physical privacy as well?

For instance, getting a papershredder to shred invoices, bills and medical documents before recycling them in the cardboard container, so that neighbours and recycle station employees can't learn what you support and buy.

I've noticed that most have a pretty fucked-up definition of becoming an :

The moment they just sit idly and do nothing while in swimming halls and trampoline parks, and instead just look at their kids do things there.

They're missing out on a whole, whole, whole lot of fun.

Today's recipe: Homemade gryterett (Norwegian saucepan stew) à la Dandee

400g ground meat from cattle
125-150g rice
400-500ml water
300ml diced tomatoes (Can be replaced with water and tomato purée)
1 small onion
Other veggies of your own choice
40g medium taco spice mixes (e.g. Santa Maria, Old El Paso)

Fry the ground meat without butter, then throw everything in a saucepan and boil for the rice's intended boiling time (e.g. 16min). Stir frequently, especially near the end.

Some cafés and petrol stations have got new TVs recently... with built-in .

This means that their patrons can blast at full volume, and no one can stop them (short of pulling out the TV's power plug).

Note that I take no responsibility if people get kicked out or arrested for doing this.

Humans who really suck at #traffic laws: 

When I become world emperor, my first new law is that humans who press the crossroad waiting button, but who then immediately walk on red anyway, shall be punished by 14 days as a clown in the "Clown above water tank" game at their local amusement park.

There is absolutely no valid reason for Multigrain to have 89% .

The less wholegrain in a cereal, the better it tastes. Granolas are partially exempted from this.

Many people get nostalgic about Texas western culture myth things.

However, there are no cowboys there in the 21st century. There are only there nowadays. Such is the flow of time and the urbanisation of mankind.

+ is a total failure by now. They can't be bothered to add Brandy & Mr. Whiskers, nor do they have any cartoons among their Disney+ Originals, but they're apparently adding Speed 2: Cruise Control in their """Star""" section.

Games where I've waited for sequels for more than 10 years by now:

: Quidditch World Cup

• This is 2005

I used to think all the regular teens these days were on , but it turns out they were on TikTok, and instead.

By April 2021 they'll all be on Avöcadîì, by June everyone have signed up on Pissmaster, and by September they're posting on Lalaloopsy Land.

(I'd probably have joined Land, admittedly.)

Maps' "Local Guide" system has been an absolute disaster.

Mostly because all the local guides are not actually local nor guides, leading to them writing fake reviews for hardware stores on in order to level up their Local Guide score.

Me: "I just want to sleep really, really long, so I can enter a joyful comfortable world where COVID doesn't exist."

Me 3 days later: "I will never sleep! The real estate agents will haunt me with fish sticks!"

Rinse and repeat 3 days later.

Show older

Hello! is a general-topic, mainly English-speaking instance. We're enthusiastic about Mastodon and aim to run a fast, up-to-date and fun Mastodon instance.