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You: "Who the hell are you?"

Me: "I'm the Doctor."

You: "Doctor who?"

Me: "Doctor Manhattan."

*disintegrates you*

Me: "Humans are such violent and entitled creatures."

How the fuck do people grow up watching SpongeBob think capitalism is a good thing

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Texts in capital letters look like someone is yelling at you

uspol 

My one and only comp sci joke

"Great thing about programming is that they do exactly what you tell it to do. Bad thing about programming is that they do exactly what you tell it to do."

Conservative language is sometimes difficult to understand. Here's a translation of a sample phrase.

"Why do we have a former bartender in congress?"

This roughly translates to

"Why do we have a congressional representative with working class background?"

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Class is Canceled

-Karl Marx, also my professor in an email just now

:thaenkin: spending few hours to save hundreds of dollars
:thinkhappy: spending like 5 minutes to save 5 cents on a single grocery item

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the best part of monster hunter world is that the event costumes show up in ostensibly serious cutscenes

someone in a giant cat costume has been having an emotional moment at me about the importance of chasing your dreams

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there are no "real americans". americans aren't real

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drawing of a girl with her dick out 

Shitpost, spoiler for Avengers Endgame 

Serious question: I tried to make vegan meatball and used tofu and steamed potato, and mixed them with spices. It didn't end up like meatballs, but kinda like polenta/cornmeal in terms of consistency.

My question is, is this an existing recipe, and if so, what is it called?

If not, what the fuck do I call this thing?

sex joke? 

Happy belated birthday everyone, sorry I couldn't make it to your early funeral

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This is one of the most asinine rejection letters I've gotten

"Thank you so much for applying for our (redacted) role! While we so appreciate your skill set and experience, we have first come, first serve hiring process and have already moved forward at this time with one of our earliest applicants."

First come, first served? What?

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It's a good thing we named most of the dinosaurs like a hundred years ago when all we were into was mythology and speaking Latin, if they just learned about dinosaurs now and had to name them, there'd be a Heckin Chonkosaurus and a Northern Thicc Scaleyboy, among others.

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What does "barbie" in barbie dolls mean? Barbeque? Barbara? Barbarian? Barbed wires?

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mas.to

Hello! This is mas.to, a general-purpose, predominantly English-speaking instance. We're enthusiastic about Mastodon, and want to make this instance special. We've settled on a nice, short domain name, keep up-to-date with the latest Mastodon updates and features and want to make an easygoing and fun place to interact with other Mastodon users.