poeticspasms @fvcktlvsn@mas.to

Hi. Let’s be friends.

I just realized I haven’t physically hugged anyone in over five years! I’m slowly getting there.

Where the hell did I end up …
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There’s spray-tan Wendy Williams to my left chugging a bottle of wine through a jumbo straw … then 1980’s Vanilla Ice to my right who can’t stop slicking his hair back while pulling his shades down every time a woman strolls by … and of course low-budget DJ Khaled butchering every. single. song right behind me …
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I can’t handle this.

I passed out so early last night, and pretty sure I got up at one point to do laundry but it may have been a dream (or a nightmare)

Never cared for rice pudding until I realized how hungry I was.

I can't believe my new work handed me boots for free. And they have heels! (for working, of course)

It seems I have stumbled across a section of town where the IQ has dropped off by about 50 points. This is scary.

So I watched a demonstration where US Police were showing a crowd how they train German Shepherds to "attack anyone not wearing a uniform" ...
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Officer: "Don't worry, the dog will only bite once, then clamp its jaw down on their arm, and let go when we tell it to"
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Girl in safety suit: "aah! It's biting my leg! It's not letting go!!"
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Crowd: "Woooo! Yayyy, we love dogs!"
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NOPE. That's enough for me. I'm not coming back.

Please be kind to each other, and also to yourself, especially wait, hold on … who’s calling me …
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Oh ffs EAT SHIT, SPAMMERS
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So anyway we’re all doing our best, and it’s important to remember FUCK! hold on … there’s another call coming in …
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Car insurance?! Who the hell willingly goes into Sales?!!
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Right, like I was saying - please be kind to each other.

I wish I knew who did the album artwork. Apparently this was from 1995.

Sometimes I’ll just let Siri play whatever they think I said. Here’s a sample …
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🎵 Thumper - Holy Roller
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https://youtu.be/WtthU0pN2FI

I discovered tape on the wheel of this chair, and now that it's gone - wheeeeeee!

When the recruiters get desperate ...
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"Why are you not picking up your phone?"
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👀

“We made an attempt to deliver your package”
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You did not.
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“We can make another attempt tomorrow”
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You won’t.
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…
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“We’ll try”
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(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

I need to clean my shoes but it seems the rain has stopped. Time to splash in some puddles!

I'm sitting here cutting up boxes and recycling and whatnot, so I don't know who needs to hear this but ...
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