Jon, banal cryptid @jaytom@mas.to

“you’re not in love with me. you’re in love with the idea of me,” the concept of New York explains in plaintive tones to a man in an I ❤️ NYC shirt

gonna get elected to the state senate just so I can get a bill passed to change the signs posted at the state line from "[state] welcomes you" to "[state] is indifferent to your presence, much like the universe"

@dankwraith the joke question “why are men like this?” isn’t actually rhetorical, and the answers aren’t particularly funny

The great rot at the heart of American society is our belief that, at the end of the day, we owe nothing to one another.

I am actually furious that they’re putting Kazuya Mishima in Smash. it’s absurd, and I hate it

no one should be subjected to this nonsense

trying to write my yearly self-review for work and it makes me want to *diiiiiie*

I know she was doing some weird conservative gender policing shit, but it makes me laugh to imagine she was mad that I was, like, stealing feminine valor

remembering the time I told my old boss, referring to myself, “well, a girl can dream.” she, very adamantly, borderline offended, said “you are a man, not a girl”

I’m just out here tryin to be your best american girl

if I were a bear, I would simply not step into a trap

just… how are you filling out your newborn‘s birth certificate and decide, yeah, I’d like this kid to have their name misspelled and mispronounced for their ENTIRE LIVES

I helped #MyWife alphabetize some registration paperwork for the youth cheer organization she runs, and reading the names of these kids, I just gotta say…

fuckin’ white people, man

let’s goooooo