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@dankwraith the joke question “why are men like this?” isn’t actually rhetorical, and the answers aren’t particularly funny

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The great rot at the heart of American society is our belief that, at the end of the day, we owe nothing to one another.

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So, , yeah? I'm Jon. I'm a bad writer, a worse musician, and a once and future podcaster. I left the Book of Faces when it showed me all my aunts were racist. I left the Birdsite when there was nothing left but journalists and Nazis. Alas, I could not resist the siren's call of screaming into the void. Won't you scream along with me? Beware sincerity and shitposts. Death before decaf.

"Will you swear on the Bible to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?"

"No, but give me ten minutes to print a copy of the lyrics to Jolene by Dolly Parton and I'll swear on that?"

It has never been easier or faster to build a broken website or mobile app.

Like all legislation, Daylight Saving Time was created to specifically piss me off

i don't think god exists because i refuse to believe they'd be so flippant as to permit such an abomination to just hang around. like it's no big deal to just be a 500lb lizard with a mouth larger than my torso that's literally So Good at killing and eating things it hasn't had to evolve for ONE HUNDRED and FIFTY MILLION years

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this is a poorly executed @triz style joke, but it made me laugh so there you go

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my buddy brought some guy I'd never met to dinner. he was a real knob. he even wore a polo with a popped collar. while we were waiting for the first course, I made a joke and he nearly fell over laughing. it was a real amuse douche

I don't really have any opinions on judges in this country or how the judicial system works other than the opinions of a regular communist, but one thing I know for sure is that constitutional originalism is dumb fuck shit.

my buddy brought some guy I'd never met to dinner. he was a real knob. he even wore a polo with a popped collar. while we were waiting for the first course, I made a joke and he nearly fell over laughing. it was a real amuse douche

The less you eat, drink, buy books, go to the theatre or to balls, or to the pub, and the less you think, love, theorize, sing, paint, fence, etc., the more you will be able to save and the greater will become your treasure which neither moth nor rust will corrupt—your capital.

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I like coffee but this trend towards dissecting every aspect of it and treating the entire process as some kind of holy endeavor is infuriating. Just drink your goddamn hot bean juice you edgelords, leave me alone, fuck.

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I literally can't imagine anything worse than some smug fucking app telling me to do the dishes

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Suggest??? a meal??? based on what's sitting on the table??????? You mean, the meal I am currently eating???????

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I do not condone the incredibly cool crime of luring children to your cottage to drain their life force

terry! get in the gundam! I got bills to pay!

Staring at my huge "be as witty as Oscar Wilde" banner while I slowly type out

I"d rather have a grilled cheese than., some chilled grease

conservatives dont think "helping the poor" should ever lead to them leaving poverty.
They still want poor people to exist.

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mas.to

Hello! mas.to is a general-topic, mainly English-speaking instance. We're enthusiastic about Mastodon and aim to run a fast, up-to-date and fun Mastodon instance.