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“you’re not in love with me. you’re in love with the idea of me,” the concept of New York explains in plaintive tones to a man in an I ❤️ NYC shirt

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gonna get elected to the state senate just so I can get a bill passed to change the signs posted at the state line from "[state] welcomes you" to "[state] is indifferent to your presence, much like the universe"

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@dankwraith the joke question “why are men like this?” isn’t actually rhetorical, and the answers aren’t particularly funny

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The great rot at the heart of American society is our belief that, at the end of the day, we owe nothing to one another.

nerd shit 

I am actually furious that they’re putting Kazuya Mishima in Smash. it’s absurd, and I hate it

trying to write my yearly self-review for work and it makes me want to *diiiiiie*

I know she was doing some weird conservative gender policing shit, but it makes me laugh to imagine she was mad that I was, like, stealing feminine valor

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remembering the time I told my old boss, referring to myself, “well, a girl can dream.” she, very adamantly, borderline offended, said “you are a man, not a girl”

I’m just out here tryin to be your best american girl

@infernusgoatus oh!!! no baking for mother!! no baking for one thousand years!!!

Going to be the guy who constantly makes unrealistic best case scenario
Me: best case scenario I become a immortal god

if I were a bear, I would simply not step into a trap

just… how are you filling out your newborn‘s birth certificate and decide, yeah, I’d like this kid to have their name misspelled and mispronounced for their ENTIRE LIVES

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I helped alphabetize some registration paperwork for the youth cheer organization she runs, and reading the names of these kids, I just gotta say…

fuckin’ white people, man

Boomers spent all of their youth being routinely terrified with the perpetual specter of getting vaporized in some nuclear war that could presumably start in the blink of an eye. a fair assessment has to consider the damage this did to their psyche.

but the single worst thing that happened to Gen X is that MTV stopped playing music videos. zero excuses for them being like this.

listen i simply think more people should be in love with me, but like, from afar

like not in a poly way but more of a way where i don't have to do anything about it

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