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I like seeing my toots appear on the Federated timeline then disappear down it forever.

It's a bit like flushing the toilet.

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What's your favourite swear word?

Leave one in the comments below!

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. (\_/)
>( ._.)<
*=( )=*
| || |
| || | (\_/)
| || | >(._. )<
| || | *=( )=*
| || | | || |
____ U U ________________ U U ___

I have long legs Yes, you do

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You know when you look at someone's posts and you think 'What a dick', then you wonder if that's what people think of you when they look at your posts.

The man whose face looked like a chocolate gateaux.

People would stare when he was out in public, but the worst was the attention he got from animals. Dogs would jump up to lick his face and sea gulls would regularly peck at his cherry-red nose.

He refused plastic surgery because he was proud of his natural features. So he'd go around with a bag on his head. To make the bag more attractive he would decorate it sometimes.

And this started the bag-on-head craze that's sweeping the nation

You know, YOU, yes, YOU are a unique and very special person. There is no one exactly like you ...

That is until I perfect my secret cloning machine! Bwaahaahahahahahahaaaaa!

Actually, thinking about it, I suppose batteries are wireless forms of electricity ...

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I looked at him and said: 'You don't love me, or Mastodon, you have just found solace in your anonymity. You see, Mastodon is a very special place where people treat others with respect. But if people knew you were Elon Musk, they'd be angry at you. And that's why you cannot be a part of Mastodon. Not in the direction you are heading. If you want to keep Mastodon, you must change your ways.'

Elon looked at me, sweat dribbling down his face, darkening patches on his arm pits.

'I can't,' he said

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'I'm Elon,' he said, dribbling from the corners of his mouth. He gazed at me with some cretinous yearning. 'I'm so lonely,' he said, 'You don't realise how lonely it is for someone like me. I try my hardest to destroy the planet and to milk the planet's resources but I'm so terribly lonely.'

I smiled and nodded and pretended I cared.

'The thing is,' he said, 'you're the only person I connect with - on Mastodon. You're the only person that means anything to me. I want to be with you.'

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I had been casually chatting to @Trinesla3456 on for over three years before he revealed to me he was Elon Musk. We'd arranged to meet in a west end pub, which I don't normally do but he seemed harmless enough and the place was always busy, so I thought, why not?

He walked in, and I recognised his toad-like features immediately. I did not expect him to come over to my table - but he did - and he looked at me with his sad bulging eyes that were watery and red.

You know what's nice and no one seems to talk about?

Brown lentils

A while back there was a bit of a trend for green lentils or puy lentils but browns lentils are much tastier. But you have to find a shop that sells them.

Which is easy enough in

Also those weird moving images you get with the wobbly plastic over them, and the image changes when you change the angle you look at it are known as lenticular prints.

I'm just imagining everyone wearing rubber suits and the entire room is live with electricity but everything works without the need to plug anything in.

Figures of Babylon: oldest drawing of a ghost found in British Museum vault.

It's a carving to be precise but it's from some exorcism guide so it is actually a

"The ghost has appeared just in time for Halloween. Its discovery features in Finkel’s forthcoming book, The First Ghosts: Most Ancient of Legacies" - which has been released just in time for Christmas!

Why are so many "news" articles are just adverts for shit?


When are they going to invent wireless electricity?

That's what we need so we can be wire free forever.

Signal created targeted ads for Instagram that show the personal data that Facebook collects about you and sells access to.

They were blocked.

Anyway, I'm now Game of Thrones and I've only read a couple of pages but it seems OK.

We'll see ...

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I perhaps would have continued reading if the first part had wowed me more. But it was missing that key element that makes it something special and the writing felt a little bit rushed at times.

At one point there is an attack on an aliens' home world and it happens too quickly. An entire city is bombed and destroyed in just one or two paragraphs. These parts could have been interesting but felt a bit weak from being rushed.

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And the reason I stopped reading was because the second part had new characters and a new situation. I just lost all perseverance and stopped paying attention.

And I think that for a story structure, it's not always the best idea to introduce new characters before the point of the book has been made (or alluded to). It's tiring investing time on a new book so I think it's good to make the reader feel it's worth continuing to read.

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I was reading this by Poul Anderson. I got it from a charity shop.

It was OK. The writing was good, but it didn't really grab me. It didn't seem to have a point, but was more like a scifi soap opera - you know, things happen to the characters but it doesn't lead to anything.

Anyway, I think it was a collection of short stories because the second part of the book had different characters and a different situation.

I'm not entirely sure though because I stopped reading it.

Apparently Elton John is at number one ...

You mean there's STILL a music singles chart?

You know, I was taking photos on my phone and it suddenly said 'For security reasons the camera cannot be used right now' and turned the camera off.

Then I turned it back on and carried on as usual.

I guess, the phone has a built in something-or-other recognition thing to stop people taking top secret spy photos or something.

I was just at home. I wasn't doing secret spy stuff.

I can look up the printing status if I find the printer hasn't done it's job. I don't need to know immediately what's going on.

It's the same when downloading lots of photos to edit in some software. You have to open one at a time from the Firefox download bit and each time the editing software window springs up and takes you away from Firefox.

So you have to click on the browser tab to got back to Firefox ...

Such a bore.

In short, it's just too much clicking for my finger.

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