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Child won’t go to sleep? Toddler started tantrumming? The government has a great new service for you

I appreciate the way the YouTube Music ‘Discover’ algorithm cautiously proffers new new genres to see if I’m into them. This week it thinks I might like ‘songs that aren’t from musical theatre but sound like they could be’ and ‘songs about zombies’.

Me: Shall we get dressed so we can go outside?
Rory: No. Want to not go outside. Want to hide under the duvet.
The voice of the nation.

Sometimes Google Photos gives me a notification that says ‘New memory for you’ and I can’t help but worry my past is being retroactively constructed by Google’s AI

Paid a couple of quid extra to get something from a seller on eBay rather than from Amazon. The seller bought it on Amazon, had it sent directly to me, and pocketed the difference. Not my most successful ethical stand ever.

Why would anyone want to go to a house party of more than 15 people

Apparently ‘inappropriate or offensive language’ will soon be banned from passwords at my work. A philosophical quandary: if a word is immediately hashed and nobody else ever sees it, can it be ‘inappropriate or offensive’?

There is only one person in this house who my son will say ‘Good morning’ and ‘Goodnight’ to, and it’s the smoke alarm.

‘Elmer’ is surely the ultimate fantasy: to get a glimpse of how people are when you’re not around, discover they’re way less happy without you, and then do a joke so good they decide it deserves an annual parade.

Am astonishing new high for YouTube Music’s tendency to play versions of songs from weird compilations.

I wonder what our ongoing national disaster will announce this time.

Sorry everyone, my fault, didn’t realise I had this button

I see the Guardian have decided against using twee pixel art pictures of the candidates for their US election updates this time around. Can’t imagine why.

Hard to imagine a less appealing tagline for 2020 tbh

Wikipedia has a very roundabout way of telling you that The Tiger Who Came to Tea is about a tiger who came to tea.

The small Nutella jar glass is very much the benevolent sibling of the Gü ramekin. Next time you want a pudding, consider just eating a jar of Nutella.

2020: our toddler sits in the bath shouting ‘Wash hands! Sanitiser! Sanitiser! Some soap!’

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