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I was already in favour of keeping meetings as short as possible but I’m becoming downright militant now that I have to turn my fan off for them.

I think we all know Michael Gove likes the Tories, it’s hardly front-page news.

I highly recommend buying a manual coffee grinder. Not because it improves your coffee, but because it provides the opportunity to say ‘Where’s me crank?’ in a variety of silly voices.

Sign my petition to make it illegal for the last word of a children’s book to be ‘again’.

Thought I was doing quite well today on limited sleep but I’ve just spent fifteen minutes trying to remember the word ‘contingency’.

When asked to retract, he doubled down, insisting that ‘He does, he likes to put them in his mouth, doesn’t he’. A judge will not look kindly on this.

My son has started spreading the defamatory claim that Daddy likes to eat the stringy bits off bananas. I am exploring legal options.

If they weren’t going to hold Prime Day on 2021-01-01 then they shouldn’t have bothered holding it at all.

Not sure why the lateral flow test kits come with a complimentary plastic fish of soy sauce but it’s disgusting

Very pleased to have been longlisted for the Alpine Fellowship Writing Prize 2021

Why do the parents in Bluey do so much laundry when none of them wear clothes?

My phone’s ‘Now Playing’ feature thought my neighbour’s lawnmower was ‘Reptilia’ by The Strokes.

Based on the mouse’s descriptions, it’s really not clear why anyone except Fox is so afraid of the Gruffalo.

When I type a password manually instead of letting my password manager autofill, and I type it wrong, I can’t help but see an edge of sarcasm in the ‘Do you want to update this password in Bitwarden?’ popup.

Brazil with Michael Palin looks much jollier than Brazil with Terry Gilliam

Lots of people dislike the monarchy but aren’t sure there’s a good alternative. I think we can all get behind this:

‘AutoSergei’ demolishes the conceit that the meerkats’ meerkat-comparison service keeps frustratingly getting confused with Compare the Market. It should automatically compare meerkats.

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