My spouse is from another country and does not say “Soylent Green is People” but instead says “Soylent Green is Human Beings”, which I find more lyrical and poetic than the original line. Please share this widely so that others may be as amused as you were by this anecdote. Thank you.

Restaurants that only allow customers to use the restroom: how long after I have paid for my meal do I remain a customer? I think it’s reasonable for me to be permitted to remain a kind of honorary customer for up to three hours.

It would be Great if people who believe in this Theory were Replaced, actually.

My preferred Australian brunch location in my city is crowded with other patrons. I am displeased that my tastes are shared by others.

Tomorrow I have a meeting at eleven in the morning. That’s a bizarre time for a meeting. I have not risen that early since before the pandemic.

I visited a Palestinian restaurant in my city. The quality of the food was excellent and the prices were reasonable. I will be coming back.

During the pandemic I thought I knew how to make espresso in my home. I do not.

You know you’re getting old when the number of years since you were born increases past a certain amount.

I’m at an explicitly fiction book store in my city and I saw a few non fiction items on the shelves. I’ve reached out to local media to object and complain.

I told someone about a possible coronavirus exposure and they disinvited me to their dinner party. Lesson learned. Lesson. Learned.

It’s too late. You follow me now and I’ll think it was because I told you to. I want you to have wanted to follow me without me knowing you knew I wanted you to. It’s simple.

Someone on the train next to me is loudly shouting at an interlocutor on her phone. “Come get your shit from my house!” she says, in an acrid, overacted falsetto. That’s the whole story.

If you don’t think the new Star Trek is a great homage to the original and fun show to watch, I disagree with you.

History is written by the victors. History is written by historians. Become a historian to achieve victory. Achievement unlocked.

Am I the only person pulling my weight on here?

I am willing to serve as a reference for anyone applying for a job. With five minutes of preparation, I promise to represent you to the best of my ability.

My father failed recently at a popular daily word game. He sent me evidence of this failure. Our family is crestfallen but we will endure.

I told a child about Lincoln today and he asked me which bio it was in.

Friend of mine once told me you can keep a man’s company by the character he tells. I think about that a lot.

I would like to become wealthy and famous as a result of my posts here. Please assist me in doing so. Everyone deserves to be a big deal sometimes.

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