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To anyone struggling with CW use... let me help.

I promise if you CW posts, you really do get more engagement out here in the fediverse.

I know it sounds counterintuitive, but it’s true. You too can respect the agency of others, AND expand your reach... all at the same time.

Go ahead, try it for a week.

US politics, Star Wars 

I'd always anticipated the moment Trump lost the presidency would be an extraordinary moment, but this is like the bit at the end of Star Wars where everyone gets given a medal.

US politics, Kafkaesque metamorphosis, birdsite 

Later tonight Trump will close the Twitter app, switch off his phone, and slowly return to his chamber where he will once again shed his human form.

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We've not asked for donations since the first lockdowns earlier this year, as we know a lot of people will be in difficult circumstances, however we've still received several donations since then.

Thanks to everyone who's donated, it means a lot to us!

This instance is and always will be a free service, but anything that helps cover our costs is hugely appreciated. Stay well and stay safe folks! ❤️

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We've not asked for donations since the first lockdowns earlier this year, as we know a lot of people will be in difficult circumstances, however we've still received several donations since then.

Thanks to everyone who's donated, it means a lot to us!

This instance is and always will be a free service, but anything that helps cover our costs is hugely appreciated. Stay well and stay safe folks! ❤️

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LIBERTARIAN POLICE DEPARTMENT 

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.

Cable management is what separates us from the animals.

Uhh, is it just me or does that fire also have an evil face?

I've switched the relays on mas.to and mastodon.scot to this fork of pleroma/relay which seems more current and will hopefully resolve some recent Mastodon-specific issues that have been brought to my attention.

git.pleroma.social/izalia/rela

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I do not like the being conscious. I would like to return it and trade it for an unconscious please

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IT'S 2AM. YOU ARE PEEING. TO BE QUIET TO YOU PEE,

"Johnny, Johnny?"
"Yes, Papa?"
"Summoning the ancients?"
"No, Papa!"
"Telling lies?"
"No, Papa!"
"Thousands of eyes!"
"Ha ha ha!"

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to those who lack the energy , are afraid of conflict, or otherwise don't feel up to speaking up when fucked up shit happens

REPORT IT

it's the least you can do. you don't get directly involved, but you bring the issue to attention. make sure you send the report to the instance the bad posts/person are on as well

it takes like a minute at most to do

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I guess the iPad's screen _is_ technically around 4K so maybe I did get the full cinematic experience only _smaller_.

I started watching the film 2017 on my iPad, just to check how it looked in 4K, and ended up watching the whole thing by mistake.

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mas.to

Hello! mas.to is a general-topic, mainly English-speaking instance. We're enthusiastic about Mastodon and aim to run a fast, up-to-date and fun Mastodon instance.