smitten<p><span>I recently watched the Escaping Twin Flames documentary and I've been trying to put together my thoughts. I'm going to leave aside the more horrific elements of the cult which have to do with pressuring people to transition and encouraging stalking behavior.<br><br>But there was something about the documentary that rubbed me the wrong way and I think it's worth going into more detail on. A good portion of the interview footage is with Keely Griffin, a woman who escaped the cult but previously was a high-ranking member, it looked like she was #3 right below the two co-founders. In that position, Keely ran coaching calls and was a direct perpetrator of much of the most harmful elements, for example she helped pressure people to transition.<br><br>While she has tried to make amends (the documentary shows her rescuing one ex-member and apologizing to another ex-member), the framing that she uses, and that the documentary makers use, I think is problematic. They talk about 'waking up', and treat the actions that were taken while in the cult as separate from the person as she exists after waking up. Keely apologizes for 'everything that happened while we were in' rather than 'everything I did to you while we were in'. The passive voice is consistently used to describe her actions before waking up.<br><br>In my experience, this is not accurate, and it really does a disservice to people who have not yet woken up. There is no version of you 'after waking up' that was not present before waking up. It was there, it was always present, but it was suppressed, intimidated, and ignored due to the cult's influence. But if we're talking about agency, who actually took the actions that harmed people, it was Keely - the same Keely who now exists in front of the cameras giving the interview.<br><br>What is 'waking up'? In my experience, waking up is a gradual process of no longer ignoring that buried part of oneself. It's a process of evaluating your actions and comparing them to what your conscience says. Often, it involves an immense amount of shame and regret, as you realize all the ways your actions hurt people, and hurt yourself. This is good. It's necessary, even. <br><br>Waking up is not a binary process where suddenly the spell of the cult leaders is lifted, and suddenly you return to your original personality. It's a spectrum, of rare moments where you notice what your original personality has to say about what's going on. The 'little voice in your head' that is telling you no.<br><br>So I think when it comes to documentaries, this is a pretty important detail to get right. Currently-in cult members should not be told that their awoken self is somewhere separate, disconnected, not-yet-available to them. No, the awoken self is right there inside of them, in every weird feeling they get in their gut when something doesn't sit right. The only way to start listening to that voice is realize that your agency was never gone, you chose to take all those harmful actions, you choose everyday to continue engaging with the cult and continuing to harm others and yourself. That recognition of the choice, is what waking up is. It doesn't absolve you from anything, you still have to go around making amends with people you hurt, but it does give you a lot more power over your own actions. It encourages you to listen to your conscience and notice the moments when it speaks up.<br><br>This isn't about exacting revenge on Keely or anyone else who does harmful things while they're in. I'm not trying to say that they deserve punishment, really the opposite - I'm saying they deserve self-forgiveness and a chance to grow. But the beginning of that process is recognizing the harm, and the choice.<br><br></span><a href="https://key.portend.place/tags/exCult" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#exCult</a><span> </span><a href="https://key.portend.place/tags/cultRecovery" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#cultRecovery</a><span> </span><a href="https://key.portend.place/tags/cultSurvivor" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#cultSurvivor</a><span> </span><a href="https://key.portend.place/tags/cultMindControl" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#cultMindControl</a></p>