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#cptsd

33 posts27 participants2 posts today
#introduction

hi. i'm the maintainer of 2ezelf.net

if you know me from previous instances, no you don't

you can call me jan or alexander, doesnt matter which

he/him (or your language's equivalent), located in netherlands 🇳🇱 met een migratieachtergrond

i do amateur webmastery with static sites, and mostly focus on digital artwork (both 2d and 3d) but i am not a professional

i collect plushies and hardware, which i have plenty, old and new :3 my fave is a steam deck which i use to play games on

huge nintendo fan but played plenty of non-ninty IPs as well

i'm queer, an otherkin+furry and a disabled guy :D follow me if we have things in common and if you wanna stay up to date with my hyperfixations

also treat this as another post to boost to improve federation or to ask me anything

#nintendo #videoGames #digitalArt #furry #otherkin #indieWeb #actuallyAutistic #cptsd #madPride #vocaloid #plush #queer #transmasc #gay #objectum #disabled #pokemon
2ezelf.net2EZELFPosting my artwork and cultivating a small garden.

100% narcissistic abuse tactics over here on the tariffs front: "Trump, meanwhile, revels in the uncertainty. He “likes the shock and awe,” a White House official said, and aims to capitalize on it. “Each country needs to panic and call. … Trump wants to hear you grovel and say you’ll cut a deal.”" - politico.com/news/2025/04/01/t

Key elements:

* Unpredictable and inconsistent (keeps the victim on their toes).
* "Shock and awe" keeps the victim overwhelmed and always reacting to the new crisis that the narcissist is creating. Prevents them from being able to reflect and catch their bearings (and possibly escape).
* "Wants to hear you grovel": humiliates the victim and forces them to perform submission. If you've ever had to do this, you surely know the rage it breeds. (One time when I was broke and depressed right after college, my dad would only give me $300 for rent if I flew to visit him and grovel. It wasn't a lot of $ to him, but he needed that humiliation. That was the last time I ever asked my parents for $.)

So yea, we're all living under a mean, narcissist daddy now! He imagines each country as just another ungrateful child that needs to kiss Daddy's ring and beg for forgiveness (for what? It doesn't matter. The important part is that you beg.)

it suuuuux. Whole world is gonna have CPTSD.

wow, turns out the way for me to not feel like i'm "late to start the day" is to accidentally wake up at 5am, allow myself to look at my phone in bed till 6am, drink coffee and get into the garden by 7am, and then allow myself to take a break for breakfast by 9am. damn.

it'd be fine, but i hate getting up when it's dark and cold.

also, i wish my brain wasn't so fricken hard on me. if i get up at 7:30, that's not like..a reason to feel bad, ya know??

(the main issue is that by 10am it's usually pretty hot, and by 11am, i pretty much can't be in the sun anymore until like 4pm. so if i want the morning section of gardening to be productive, getting up super early seems to be the way to go. boo. boooooo.)

it's one thing to be tough on oneself when one is motivated and disciplined (like my mom), quite another when one is lazy and crazy (like me!).

edit: on a related note, if anyone has tips for motivation besides "you gotta do x," do share. sometimes i try talking to myself in a gentle-stupid voice like i'd use with a dog, going like "we WANT to go make the garden nice, yea? wouldn't it be nice to have the driveway all evenly covered in rocks? don't we want to shovel rocks before it gets hot?"

Yesterday I was in my regular reading group (colleagues sharing research) and admitted that I'm a slow writer who can't stick to a schedule, and the punitive solutions they came up with actually triggered a certain horror in me. I don't disapprove in principle, but it took me back to a time when punishment was the only way I could relate to myself.

I don't know if this means that I'm motivated differently now or that I'm ready to re-learn those methods without the shame. #cptsd #recovery